TESTIMONIALS
"If you were to ask any first responder, 'How are you?', I can almost guarantee their response would be, 'I'm good', 'I'm fine' or 'doing okay'. Those are our go-to responses. But when the truth be told, many of us are not 'good, fine or okay.' As first responders we are trained to deal with everyone else's problems, traumas, losses, fears and day-to-day drama. We are trained to push our personal feelings aside, be professional, and come to a resolution, so we can move on to the next call. We are trained to be strong, put together and be the peacemakers. What we are not trained to do is decompress, allow our feelings to be acceptable or normal. We are not trained to show weakness, or how to manage our own problems, our trauma and our fears. We are not trained how to manage our families, our lives off the clock. We are not trained how to separate from the job and unfortunately, we are not trained how to speak up for ourselves when it becomes to much to handle on our own.
Where are first responders supposed to turn when they are in crisis? Who can they trust, who can they talk to about the hard things in life, such as, their failing marriages, their depression, anxieties, traumas and fears of flash backs in their minds. The suicidal thoughts, the addictions and the lack of sleep due to these issues, and long hours of work. Who do they confide in, that we have developed issues and feel isolated, scared and ashamed.
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When I personally was walking through one of these dark valleys, I was exhausted and overwhelmed. Our family had several traumas stacked one on top of the other very quickly. These, along with stress from work, debilitating health issues, PTSD, not being able to sleep more then a hour at a time, not sleeping for a week at a time, it seemed the chaos in my head became so loud. I felt alone, I felt I had no one or nowhere to turn without judgement. But I did what I am trained to do, I put on my 'brave face' and kept moving forward. But that was short lived. With nowhere to turn, I found myself holding a gun, trying to build the courage to pull the trigger and silence the chaos. The Lord spared me on several occasions, I knew that if I pulled that trigger, yes my chaos would stop, but my families would begin. I had a few drinks to calm my nerves. After several, I no longer felt the pain of the ongoing health issues, the chaos in my mind was quiet and I fell asleep.
The next morning, I decided this was the answer to my pain and sleeping problem, if I was able to quit them for a while, just numb them, then my other problems would take care of themselves. This began a journey towards alcohol abuse. I thought I was 'fine', I thought I was 'okay' but I was not. The nightmares, the memories, and chaos came back, but now with the demon of alcohol to fuel them deeper. The Lord once again spared me, he blessed me with a family that was in tune with me and realized that I was unraveling. Not knowing how to help me, they reached out to a team member they knew of that was working on the Camp Braveheart Project. They made that call out of love and desperation. That team member showed up within minutes, without question, without judgement and helped save my life.
I often sit back and wonder, if Camp Braveheart had been established while I was in my valley, how would that have changed the trajectory of my walk? How could it help my brothers and sisters that are fighting in silence right now? I believe it would provide a safe place to turn, a place for healing, and a place where they know they will not have to fight alone.
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Anonymous - First Responder