Master Your Mind, Mend Your Life: Practical Ways to Fight Stress with Mindfulness and Meaningful Bonds

Have you ever had the opportunity to sit back, examine your life, and realize how busy life has become? As I begin to write this article, it can be so easy to get distracted by the comings and goings of the day. Text messages from colleagues, phone calls, reminders on your phone, appointments, and even the various unplanned interruptions throughout the day. In addition, all of us often must battle our inner stress which comes in the form of our thoughts. Thoughts about who we are, mistakes we’ve made, and even intrusive thoughts from past events. I believe John Milton said it best when he stated, “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heav’n of hell, a hell of heav’n." Little by little, these negative thoughts and intrusions can wreak havoc on our state of well-being.

The stress diathesis model is a fancy way of saying that as you continue to experience stress in your life, you must do something to counter that stress or else you will experience some type of negative consequence in your life ranging from a decline in your mental health, relationships, and physical condition. But how can one balance out the stress of the modern world in their day to day life? The answer is quite simple, but must be implemented on a daily basis.

Take a moment and think back to the best moment in your life? A funny story that you can’t help but laugh about when you tell it? Chances are, these stories involve other individuals who played a pivotal part in your life at a certain point. Life has a funny way of distancing ourselves from the relationships in our life that we can utilize to counter stress. Children, work responsibilities, tasks around the house, all impact our ability to spend adequate time with the relationships in your life. Positive relationships can allow us to bond in deep ways. Ways that counter the stress in our lives. An easy way to get more positive relationships in your life is to consider joining activities that you have interest in doing such as potentially joining a gym, social clubs in the area, or even volunteering to help the less fortunate. Also, consider ways that you can significantly improve your closest, intimate relationships. When was the last time that you took your significant other on a date or even went for a walk with them? I encourage each individual to take a five-minute assessment associated with love languages which allows you to better understand how you give and receive love. This will better equip you to communicate your needs to significant others; to feel supported during challenging times in your life. Finally, I cannot underestimate the value of spending quality time with your pets. Begin to make it a daily routine to take your dog on a walk or even to go play fetch.

Begin to implement positive self-care routines and strategies throughout your day. Even the most basic relaxation techniques practiced throughout the duration of the day can help to lessen stress and put you in a positive mood. My favorite coping skills include deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation (in which you tighten various parts of your body and then allow them to relax), and exercise. Another effective strategy includes implementing mindfulness throughout your day. The easiest way to explain mindfulness is to imagine three buckets in front of you. One labeled “past”, one labeled “future”, and one labeled “present”. Now imagine that I provided you with a bag of coins and for every time you experienced a thought, you would place a coin in the corresponding bucket. If I left you unattended for several hours, and returned, we would discover that the buckets labeled past and future would be completely overflowing while the one labeled present barely had any coins in it. The idea is that when you begin to live in the moment, you begin to change your thought life to not fixate on the future and past events, mistakes, and troubling events. This sounds great, Chad! But how do you do that?

Baxter & Rylee taking a break from fetch

The answer is that you can learn a lot from a dog. When I play fetch with my dogs (Rylee and Baxter), they are not worried about their job, relationships, finances, and physical health. They are fixated on being in the present moment and fetching the ball. This is the secret to mindfulness: completely living in the present moment by fixating and focusing on our senses and redirecting our attention to the present moment. What do you see? Feel? Taste? Touch? If you are going for a walk, begin to notice the sound you hear with each step. Notice the way the temperature hits your skin. If you are talking to someone on your walk, what does their voice sound like? How does it feel with each and every breath that you take? Inevitably during this process, you will be pulled from the present moment to some other intrusive thoughts in your life. That is okay, simply acknowledge that thought and redirect your thoughts to the present moment. The more that you practice this, the easier it will become.

It can be so interesting to really stop and think about what you’re thinking about. If you’ve ever watched a spy movie, there is a strong likelihood that you have seen images from the CIA headquarters located in Langley, Virginia. On a wall in this facility is a unique saying that states, “Thou shall know the truth, and the truth will set thee free.” This quote can significantly impact how you view the world when you begin to analyze and interrogate your thought life. Take a moment, and think back on this day and what you have had run through your mind. Did you experience any negative thoughts about yourself? Someone who disrespected us? Or are you worried about a future event? Begin to set aside time each day to write down what you’re thinking about and begin to challenge these thoughts by implementing healthier thought patterns. For instance, if you made a mistake at work and you have the thought that said, “I’m a failure.” Begin to critically evaluate this thought. Ask yourself to define what it means to be a failure? Have I been successful in other areas? Would I say the same thing about another individual if they made a similar mistake? Is this something that I am maximizing and in reality is a minor mistake? Can I name anybody else who’s never made a mistake? A more balanced thought might be, “I made a mistake but so has everybody else. This is how you learn and the next time I encounter a similar situation, I will know how to manage it.” Far too often we are extremely hard on ourselves; we are our biggest critics. I encourage you, think about somebody that you truly love and care about, and imagine that they said the negative thoughts that you are experiencing, about them. How would you build them up? How would your voice change to reflect kindness towards them? This is simply how you need to treat yourself as well.

Diet is a topic that novels have been written about so I will only touch on this quickly. There is a strong connection between what you eat, drink, and how you feel. I encourage you, under the care of a medical professional, to begin to implement dietary changes to incorporate a more balanced diet. Are you eating candy bars throughout the day because of convenience? Consider balancing it out with cucumbers dipped in hummus. Simple dietary changes cannot only allow us to feel better about ourselves, but can also aid in digestion, sleep, and absorption of nutrition.

Each and every day you begin to focus on small changes and before you even realize it, your state of well-being has significantly improved! I wish each and every one of you the absolute best in your future journey.

With Gratitude,

Chad Jakubowski, M.Ed., LPCC-S, LICDC

Clinical Mental Health & Addictions Counselor

Clinical Director of Substance Use Disorder Treatment

The Counseling Center of Columbiana County